What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 02:59
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The #1 Underrated Food to Increase Your Magnesium Intake, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
YieldMax® ETFs Announces Distributions on XYZY, WNTR, SMCY, AIYY, MSTY, and Others - GlobeNewswire
Who then, do I blame.?
Ive learnt so much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Low-carb diets linked to reduced depression symptoms — but there’s a catch - PsyPost
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She found it foreign!.
The Universe's Most Powerful Cosmic Rays May Finally Be Explained - ScienceAlert
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ NEW WOMAN - analysis ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BYU QB Retzlaff denies woman's rape allegations - ESPN
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?
She loved him until the end.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
All the time i was locked up.
But, we were locked up after school.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
'AI Godfather' Warns Superintelligent Machines Could Kill Off Humans With Biowarfare - Decrypt
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Andrew Tate said the covid is a scam and only dorks get vaccinated. Is it true?
What did i know ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
It was going to be , some day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was scared of men, in general
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Would this be the day?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was 9 years of age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I write beautiful poetry .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I said to her
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We were not on the streets..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I have no regrets .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Put me off passion for life!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot live in the past .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was very sick at this time too.
She married twice! .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Was to survive, this bastard.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was seconnd youngest,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I waited trembling.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was in good health!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it wasn’t much.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Comes on , in middle age.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He knew the spot.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I will be 64.
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!